


It's Your Thing

by addledwalrus



Category: Original Work
Genre: 1970s, Accidental Death, Action, Ass-Kicking, Bad Decisions, Black Character(s), Blaxploitation Parody, Bodyguard, Character Death, Cocaine, Crimes & Criminals, Criminal Masterminds, Drama, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Gen, Gun Violence, Handcuffs, Heroes & Heroines, Hostage Situations, Humor, Kidnapping, Parody, Rage, Skyscrapers, Subtext, Suspension Of Disbelief, Tempting Fate, Weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-17 00:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14176617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addledwalrus/pseuds/addledwalrus
Summary: Cornbread Jackson and Dirty Donovan face off in a messy battle.





	It's Your Thing

**1974**

It had been a great week for drug lord and adult film director Dirty Donovan, with a rival cartel having been bombed to the ground on Tuesday and his latest feature receiving rave reviews on Thursday.

Now it was Saturday and he took the time to snort a pile of cocaine while a pair of shades gave his otherwise charming face a mysterious edge.

Little did he know, all that so-called good fortune would turn around the moment a certain hostage was brought into his office.

Deadly but gorgeous bodyguards Babydoll and She-Devil burst through the doors with a young African American woman handcuffed and at their mercy. They pushed her roughly to the floor before She-Devil explained the situation.

"Sir, we've acquired the chosen target." She began with a knowing gleam in her eye. "What shall we do with her?"

"Well, we could torment her for a few minutes. It's not like we're tempting fate at all by kidnapping the sister of our greatest threat."

"Good idea." She-Devil replied as she retrieved a riding crop from underneath her skimpy dress.

Babydoll noticed the cue and accordingly, magically produced a flail from thin air.

"Do whatever you want to me." The hostage said bravely while the three hardened criminals closed in on her. "My brother will be here soon and he won't stop until the drains are flowing with your blood."

The only window in the room shattered as soon as such words were spoken. A man sporting an afro and shiny leisure suit swung into the building on a long rope before dropping expertly upon his feet.

"It's me, Cornbread Jackson. You've messed with the wrong sister and now your asses are gonna bleed!"

"Impossible, this is the fiftieth floor!" Dirty Donovan cried out in both alarm and disbelief. "Babydoll, She-Devil, keep him busy while I take this hostage to her death!"

"You know I have a-"

"Shut up, we don't have all day!"

It was then that Alexandra Jackson decided she'd had enough of this villain's deluded ways. She delivered a series of swift kicks to his legs and groin, which was enough to incapacitate him as he doubled over in pain.

"Oh...oh my God...get her, Babydoll!"

Babydoll batted her innocent blue eyes to display understanding, before assuming a fighting stance and swinging her flail around threateningly.

Alexandra managed to duck out of the way and extend one leg to trip Babydoll over, which resulted in her falling clumsily forward and ending up with spikes embedded in her skull.

"Babydoll!" Dirty Donovan screamed upon seeing his favored bodyguard meeting such a grisly demise. His expression darkened and he crawled frantically to seize a machine gun from underneath his desk.

He got to his feet again and opened fire at both She-Devil and Cornbread Jackson, killing the former in cold blood while the latter was sent falling back out through the window with severe injuries.

* * *

"Okay..." Zach muttered with a roll of his eyes while reading the ridiculous script that had been written by Noah and Jared out of boredom. "Is this the sort of thing we should expect if you became a writing duo?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Noah replied while shrugging nonchalantly.

"I'm not in it, am I?"

"No, of course not."


End file.
